if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish you could order shots online.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
