2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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