i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
