discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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