i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
