I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
