Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
