i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
