who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
