I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can't talk, ducks in the car
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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