these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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