Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
ttyl tear gas
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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