How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
