It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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