1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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