Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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