i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize