he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
