I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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