Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
