Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
