I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
