You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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