I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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