Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
