Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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