Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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