It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
