Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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