Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
