I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize