I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were trust falling into bushes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize