we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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