Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
