we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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