Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
