i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
