Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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