so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
