theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
