Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
