He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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