The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
