i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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