A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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