How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
