I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize