Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
