I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
