I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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