I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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