your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
