My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
