You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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