Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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