oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
