Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize