I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
