Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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