just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
