i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
