Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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