just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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