wat bout pragnant strippers??
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
