your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
