i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
