just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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