I wish I only lived at night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
