Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
