Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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