I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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