It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
