he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
