just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
