Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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