she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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