Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize