i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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