Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Couch. On fire.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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