i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
