he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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